2.en.37 Congratulations! your writing is gradually getting better

Even though Christmas vacation has not started, we have already started our second term. We have spent several lessons editing classmates compositions, blog comments and written tasks: a description of a person, a short biographical note, a description of  a photo, a review of an outing, a description of a gadget, a description of a building, a comparison of two schools, a comparison of past and present, a set of questions for an interview and a summary of a talk.

Your comments on the blog are often full of errors (spelling, choice of words, word order, cohesion, coherence, punctuation, syntax, register, tenses) but we all learn by writing and by making mistakes. Now, when we look at a text together, we can identify the type of error you make and that is good, it is the first step to correct it.

I will upload, as I did before, some examples of the work you do. Despite errors, they are a proof of your progress. As usual, if you find something in your classmate’s work that can be improved, post a comment to the blog.

Today we’ll  have a look at Àngel Blanch’s review of Chenoa’s visit to our school

Today Chenoa  came to visit us in the Ramon Llull music class, Aula Magna. She talked to us about her former life in the Ramon Llull. She talked to us about her life style and she told us anecdotes about her former friends and her bad actions…

I liked the talk very much because she told a lot of jokes and funny comments. She is a very happy person because she works doing what she likes most, the music.

She is a very good singer, and like all the singers and artists, she has another name, other than her real one that is Laura Corradini. The people that work with art have this artistic names because they need one to do all the public things, the informal one. It must  be a good sounding one, a new one that never anyone heard of it.

She was a little bit rebel in the high-school but she was a very good student. She repeated once but than she promised to her parents that she’d “gonna be” a very good student.

Her parents told her that if she did not get better better marks she couldn’t do music and she couldn’t be a famous singer. Before  being a singer, she was a ballet dancer but she decided to change the ballet for the music.

We’ll also  look at Daryl’s review of Ramon Lobo’s talk

Last week, we had the pleasure to have a talk with a journalist with a lot of adventures during his life. He is 55 years old and he is a journalist of the newspaper  “El País”. His name is Ramon Lobo.

I did not see him standing up, but  I think he is tall. He is overweight and without hair in his head. Where he has a lot of hair is in his beard. He is serious but also a funny man.

He was born in Venezuela, he did not know why he was born there. He went to Spain with his family because he had ashma. Since he was 12 he wanted to be a journalist and travel the world. He studied in the Complutense in Madrid.

After his studies in College, he began to work in other countries and in the Radio He went to Washington and London. But finally he found his place in the newspaper  “El País”. While working in “El País”, he travelled all over the world.

In his talk, he talked about the poor and unlucky people of the world. He narrated us a lot of  anecdotes, but the one that I can remember was about two boys, around of my age, who had f to sleep in a little house, sleeping in the floor. So, what Ramon did, was to buy food and shoes for their family.

A sentence that I will not forget that he said was that  “we are lucky to have water to spend and clothes to choose everyday”. I think, he was an inspiration, not only because he is a journalist and because he is always travelling, but because he taught us about life of other people and also about his life.

Finally you will be able to read Lovepreet’s contribution. Her review of Ramon Lobo’s talk

Last week we went to La Caixa Fòrum to listen a conference, given by a man who is a journalist Ramón Lobo.  He talked to us about the wars in the world that he had lived and also about his childhood. We went because in Catalan we are doing biographies, and we are reading a book “El nen”, that was written in the 1st  World War  and because we are going to focus in conflicts all over the world.

Ramón  is an elderly man. He is tall and strong, and a little bit fat. He is bald and he has a grayish beard, he  has a deep voice. He wore casual clothes. He said very entertaining, interesting  things. Ramón Lobo is a sensitive and caring man. He talked to us, as if we were close friends, in casual way. Ramón Lobo was born in 1955  in Venezuela. His family is scattered around the world. He wanted to be a journalist since he was 12 He went to a university of Madrid. He start edhis first journalism course 1975 and then he  worked in an agency called Pyresa and in the Intercontinental Radio as a writer of serial programs.  After some years being in Washington, he went to Sarajevo.In these  last 18 years he has visited many countries and he has been in many conflicts like Iraq, Bosnia, Haití and many other places. Now he is working in the newspaper “El País”.

He has published three books: El héroe inexistente,  which collects his travel experiences;  Isla África, which is about his vision of war and  Cuadernos de Kabul a  novel that reflects on the value of life and friendship. He has participated in two books: Los ojos de la guerra y Seguiremos informando.
He has received three awards: “ Cirilo Rodriguez”, “El Intercultural Coexistence” and “José Manuel Porquet”.

He likes very much to tell stories about the others, this is his passion. What impressed me most were anecdotes that he told us, some of them are funny, some are  interesting and some are sad like the anecdote of a baby that  died, and this is the sentence that Ramón said in that moment: “The child died without receiving the help of Unicef”.
I liked very much the conference and for me  it was an experience That I Had Never Lived.

1.en.33 peer teaching: edit your classmates’ writings

Well, if you are going to be role models for first year ESO students, you must improve your writing. Here follows a contribution of a student from our group that certainly needs some polishing. Check the list of things to improve and do it.

  • Spelling mistakes
  • Adjectives with “s”
  • Subjects missing
  • Punctuation marks that should not be there
  • Unconnected ideas within the same paragaph
  • Wrong tenses
  • No space after punctuation marks
  • Word order
  • Agreement subject verb

I am not going to say the name of the person who wrote this, I’m sure he/she can do it better. Let’s see if you can correct it. First year students will certainly appreciate it. They have to copy in their notebooks your compositions, so don’t let them copy so many mistakes.

The errors that appear in red in this composition are also present in many others. The underlined sections show that different ideas are mixed within a paragraph and that coherence and internal cohesion are missing.  Check them !

Chenoa was a student of Ramon Llull.She said that this school is not very different now.The part of the school that she liked very much is the “sala magna”.

She is a very feamus singer.She want to “Operacion triunfo”.She talked abaut her problems and her experius of her live and also said to be feamous is very difficult.Because all the people talk abaut you.She loves this school.

She loves her fans and for her they are very importants.When Chanoa went to this school she was a rebel person.She liked very much the music.In the end we asked questions and Chenoa anserwed.

My opinion:
Chenoa is a very good person and funny.Her talk was very interesting.She is feamus but she is a very normal person.

Another example that needs editing, this time it is the comparison of your former school and Anselm Turmeda primary school.

My former primary school was CP Eugenio López y López.
My school is more happies and luminous than Anselm Turmeda.
In Eugenio López y López are four story building and Anselm Turmeda is two story building.
My school haven’t got an orchard but there are tree and four big playground than Anselm Turmeda.
In Eugenio López y López has dining service and approximately
there are 564 and in Anselm Turmeda are 180.
My school are three class for group and in Alsem Turmeda are one class for group.

Do you know what peer teaching is?  First, look it up in the dictionary.  Then, put peer teaching into practice by posting your corrections to the blog.

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1.en.32 Interesting lives, famous people and role models: Chenoa’s talk

This term we have been working on biographies and we have also met face to face some people with interesting lives; Chema Caballero and Ramón Lobo were two of them. You have had the opportunity to ask them questions and to listen to them talking  about their experiences. Yesterday Chenoa, a famous singer and former student of the Ramon Llull, came to visit us and you had the opportunity to attend her talk.

You know that we believe outings and talks are also a way of learning, so after the talk you were asked to write  three comments on the three meetings and talks you went to this term. I am very happy with the result. Most of you did a great job and your writings were really good. I feel you managed to grasp the essence of Chenoa’s talk. Unfortunately, I was not there  but after reading  your comments, I  feel I can say that everyone  liked Chenoa very much and learnt a lot from her.

As far as  accuracy, you just need to  polish your grammar, spelling and  improve the way you structure your ideas a bit. I’ ll wait for your comments on her talk, here in the blog before tomorrow Thursday 25th .  This way we’ll be able to read everyone’s contributions and I will choose a sentence from each composition to make a kind of collage of  Chenoa’s visit to the Ramon Llull.

  1. Does Chenoa fit in the stereotype of a celebrity? Why? Why not?
  2. Would you describe her as  an approachable or as a distant person?  /əˈproʊtʃəbəl/
  3. Did she sound artificial or natural?
  4. Did she tell you any anecdote you liked?
  5. Do you think she is a good role model for teenagers?
  6. Was she very different from the idea you had of her from TV and magazines?
  7. What is her song you like best?
  8. Can you see your group in the pic? Where were you situated in the music room?

Homework: Thursday 25th ,Post your compositions and your answers to the 8 questions to the blog. First year students will use your compositions as models, so try to correct your writings before posting them to the blog.

Here you can see your new students. Let’s see if your new role as teachers  suits you. You might give me a break and I can start  Christmas vacations just now!

1 Aleksandrova, Izabela Igorova | MARTA ALEMANY
2 Alemany Martínez, Álvaro Miguel | ALCALDE MENA, PILAR
3 Balufo Nicolau, Ariadna | BLANCH VALLESPIR, ÀNGEL MIQUEL
4 Bauzà Company, Margarita | BORRÁS DÍAZ, SARAH
5 Blanch Vallespir, Miquel Gerard | BOUZA BAÑOBRE, SARA
6 Bosch Manresa, Joan Sebastià CABAÑERO CAPÓ, MIGUEL ÁNGEL
7 Campomar Ginard, Pau | COCA CALDENTEY, JOSÉ
8 Escarpa Parra, Marina | CUERVO ARIZA, ANDREA
9 Fernández Romano, Andrea | DEUS VERA, RODRIGO
10 Gomila Sbert, Paula | DIÉGUEZ DE LA TORRE, TATIANA
12 Mármol Verastegui, Jhazmin Cecilia | FONT BENNASSAR, JOSEP ANTONI
13 Martín Mir, Silvia | FURIÓ FERRER, GUILLEM
14 Moragues Rodríguez, Sergio | GARCÍA HERNÁNDEZ, FRANCISCO
15 Pomar Galobardas, José Ignacio | HRISTOV , EMIL EVGENIEV
16 Sánchez Zuwa, Noé | KAUR , LOVEPREET
17 Santos Fernández, Maria | MALUNAY NANTEZA, DARYL JADE
19 Serra Binimelis, Marta PUCHE GARCIA, CLAUDIA
21 Soria Yagüe, Alba | ROSER ALVIRA, NEUS
22 Vasilev, Vladislav Nikolov | SANTANA ESTIVILL, IDAIRA MIREIA
23 Vidal Siquier, Andreu | TOUS MARROIG, AINA

Izabela Igorova  Aleksandrova will have two teachers: Jilin  Ye and Marta Alemany

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1.en.30 This is Jilin’s comparison of Anselm Turmeda with his former school

Good job, Jilin!

Jilin posted this comment to the blog as part of the task you had to do after our outing to the school orchard last Friday. It is a very good post and shows that he is improving his writing skills. However, Jilin’s post can also be improved. I have not edited it yet and expect you to do it for me. Magdalena gave you some hints on where  and when to place punctuation marks. In English lessons we have been talking  about how to organise paragraphs and singing along with punctuation marks. Now it is time to try to use them effectively.  Read Jilin’s post and try to make it even better with  just a few corrections.  You’ll be editors and post your suggestions to the blog.

Once we get a final version, we’ll upload it to the blog.

My former primary school was CP Genova. It’s a bit like Anselm Turmeda in size. Genova also has an orchard but is smaller than Anselm Turmeda’s orchard, we grew lettuces, cabbages, radishes,..
My former primary school’s playground is bigger than the playground of Anselm Turmeda. My primary school is a 2 storey building and Anselm Turmeda is a one storey building
Anselm Turmeda has one entrance, but my primary school has 2 entrances. My school’s walls are white and orange and in some ones, there are children paintings. ( In Anselm Turmeda, also, there are children paintings in the walls). My school also has many rectangular windows.
In Genova there are about 170 children and 9 classes, that means an average of 19 pupils per class. ( It’s quite similar than Anselm Turmeda )